Scene: A Hollywood office. Two movie magnates are listening to the presentation of a concept for a movie about Joseph Pilates
Movie Magnate 1:
So, this guy you want to make a movie about – what’s his name? Joseph…ah.. Pie-Lates. Say, is he some kind of a relative to that guy who sentenced Jesus to death?
Presenter:
It’s actually pronounced “Pie lar tees”and no, no relation as far as I know. But funny you should say that, because he was bullied as a child about his name.
MM 1:
OK, so, shoot.
Presenter:
Well, picture this – young kid, born in Germany at the end of the 19th Century, very sickly, suffering from asthma, rickets, rheumatic fever, bullied at school, not reckoned to live to adulthood. It’s believed he lost one eye at the age of 5 from an attack by a bully. He becomes one of the leading fitness gurus of the 20thand 21st Centuries with a unique and highly developed method of exercise which was 50 years ahead of its time.
MM 2:
So, a kind of Rocky meets Fame kind of idea? Overcoming all odds with lots of physical stuff?
Presenter:
Uh, yes, you could say that. It’s certainly a story of how adversity can bring about greatness. He was into everything – martial arts, boxing and dance, as well as gymnastics and yoga. Anyway, Pilates cured himself of his ailments, all by natural means – lots of special breathing and exercising out doors – and travelled from Germany to England to become a professional boxer. He also performed at the circus and taught self defence to the British police force.
MM1:
Sounds like a talented guy. I’m seeing Arnie/Vin Diesel with a bit of Jackie Chan.
Presenter:
Then World War 1 broke out…
MM2:
So now it’s a war movie?
Presenter
Not exactly. He actually gets interned in a POW camp on the Isle of Man for the war and lives in horrible conditions for 4 years.
MM2:
So we’re talking Empire of the Sun/The Colditz Story?
Presenter:
Hmm. The thing is, Pilates doesn’t give up. He gives fitness classes to his cell block inmates. Many of them are too weak to get out of bed. What does he do? He takes springs from the beds, attaches them to the head and foot boards of the bed, and teaches the men how to do resistance exercises without having to get out of bed. The story goes that when the Great Flu Epidemic broke out in 1918, not a single soldier under his care died.
MM1:
Yep, yep, that’s got legs. A kind of secret hero. Jimmy Stewart meets Jason Statham.
Presenter:
Um, yes, if you say so. The point here is that Pilates used all his life experiences in the development of his Method. In his exercises you can see the influences from martial arts, yoga, weight training, boxing. It’s truly unique. And those hospital beds became the models for the equipment, such as the Cadillac and the Reformer, for which Pilates is famous today.
MM2:
Yeah, I’ve heard of those. My wife uses them. She’s always talking about working out on the Cadillac with her personal trainer Manuel.
MM1:
So, this guy, Pile Lates, he’s German right? So does he get mixed up with Hitler?
Presenter:
No, Pilates returns to Germany at the end of WW1, long before Hitler comes to power…
MM1:
Pity.
Presenter:
…but I think he had a good idea of what might be coming, because when he was pressured to teach the German army, he refused, and decided to emigrate to the States.
MM2:
I kind of get this is an interesting story, but where’s the love interest? There’s always got to be a love interest.
Presenter:
There is one! Well, several actually. He wasn’t only into physical fitness. He liked cigars, vodka and whisky. And he liked the ladies. And although he wasn’t classically handsome, with a glass eye, they must have liked him too. He married twice. Then one fateful day he gets on a boat to the USA. He’s no longer young, in his 40’s. It could have been any other boat, and any other time, but it happened to be this one. And on this one was a young woman, also emigrating to the States. She suffered from rheumatoid arthritis. He showed her how to alleviate the pain with his Method. They fell in love and stayed together for the rest of their long lives.
MM2:
Dr Zhivago meets Titanic meets Sleeping Beauty.
Presenter:
I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.
MM2:
Meets Beauty and the Beast.
Presenter:
Ah. well I don’t think ‘Beast’ is quite fair. He wasn't conventionally handsome, more striking. And not afraid to show off his well muscled and toned body. He was well known for wearing nothing but his trademark white ‘bikini bottoms’, even out doors – especially out doors – summer and winter. His body was in as good a shape in his old age as in his youth. He was described as “a white-maned lion with steel blue eyes and mahagony skin, and as limber in his 80's as a teenager.”
MM1:
So he gets to the good ol’ US of A with his lady love.Then what?
Presenter:
He and Clara set up a studio in New York to teach his Method, which, by the way, he called ‘Contrology’. It came to be called ‘Pilates’ only after his death. Anyway, you could say he took New York by storm. Over time, hundreds of dancers, athletes and celebrities flocked to the studio. He trained other teachers, who, after his death, spread out across the world, taking the Method with them. Over time the Pilates Method has been added to and adapted so that it is accessible to everybody, no matter what fitness level or age. It is thought that over 15 million people worldwide are using Pilates to tackle chronic aches and pains, joint stiffness, bad posture and muscular weakness. They’re finding that the exercises teach them to perform life’s daily tasks with “zest and ease”. Not bad for a sickly one-eyed boy from pre-war Germany!
MM1:
Yes, it’s got possibilities. I think it needs to be simplified. Let’s say Joseph and Clara are child hood sweethearts torn apart by the War only to meet again by accident in New York?
MM2:
It needs more of a war angle. How about we move it to WWII so he can actually meet Hitler, and spit in his eye? He’s put into a camp and sentenced to death but escapes by using his martial arts and circus skills. Mission Impossible meets The Great Escape.
Presenter:
Now, wait a minute, you can’t…
MM1:
He becomes a billionaire in America, the land of opportunity, with his machines. He and Clara are riding high and then…
MM2:
He cheats on Clara with a beautiful dancer, she leaves him and breaks his heart.
Presenter:
This is crazy! Joseph Pilate’s life is interesting enough without…
MM2:
He lives on, rich and sad, what good is money and success without love?
MM1:
But gets redemption when he rescues Clara from a burning building, only to die from his wounds, in the arms of his loved one. I’m thinking Brad Pitt.
MM2:
My wife would certainly go see it! He’d look good in white underpants. We could do that ‘Curious Case of of Benjamin Button’ thing and CGI him much younger and much older.
MM1:
Angelina might consider the love interest.
MM2:
So, we’ll certainly take an option on it, Mr… Say, where's he gone?
MM1:
How do you like that? He’s walked out. Bummer. I was going to ask him whether Pilates could stop me from seizing up when I’ve been sitting for 5 minutes. I could do with some ‘zest and ease’.
MM2:
It’s a tough life, all right. Lunch, I think. There’s a great little restaurant I know on the next block. Let me call my driver.
